My Story
My Story
“A single event can awaken in us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born.”
Antoine De Saint-Exupery
“You need to tell your story.” I hear those words from people time and time again.
I was flying high after being promoted to manager of the company’s flagship contract. I had quickly transformed the company’s biggest loser into a highly profitable machine. Nothing could stop me now. I was on the fast track to corporate success.
How easy it would be if there was just one story to tell. But there are many stories to tell.
“I have a letter on my desk signed by all of your employees. They say you are a cold, heartless bitch. They hate you. I don’t know what you are doing, but you’ve got to stop it and stop it NOW!”
Each story offers unique whispers of wisdom to awaken the soul bit by bit.
“The day Steve died I knew something had to change. And that something had to be the deepest essence of me. This change wasn’t as simple as putting on a positive attitude or engaging in cheery chit chat. No. It was time for me to live – and lead – from a place of love and trust, not fear and doubt.”
When someone thanks me for telling my story, they are usually referring to a singular event in my life – an intimate moment of personal awakening – that I intentionally chose to share with them as they stood at their own crossroads in life.
After five successful years, it’s my last day as a corporate executive. I’m leaving to pursue my dream of becoming an executive coach. Fifty members of my staff shower me with parties, photos of their families, handwritten letters and a framed print entitled “The Light of Integrity.” At the end of an emotional day I make my way to the door. Without warning one of my direct reports steps in front of me. Blocking my way, her eyes blazing and teeth clenched, she spits out, “I can’t let you go. When you walk out that door, the heart and soul of this company walks out. It will never be the same.” You could have knocked me over with a feather. I had no idea my co-workers felt that way about me. How did I go from “cold, heartless bitch” to “the heart and soul of the company”? The only thing that was different was who I had learned to be as a leader.
Through the lens of my story, others see themselves and their lives more clearly, compassionately, and courageously. And with greater clarity, compassion, and courage comes wisdom, power, and freedom.
Her soft voice interrupted me. “But have you ever experienced…coercion?”
Her question floated like a curious butterfly and landed like a bowling ball in the pit of my stomach. My heart skipped a beat. She had no idea what terror her question had unleashed within me. I was eye-to-eye with my deepest fears. Did I have the courage to speak my Truth to this stranger?
In these moments – standing at the unexpected crossroads of consciousness – we often find ourselves face to face with our deepest fears and unspoken dreams. It’s in these fragile moments we most need to know that we are not alone.
We need to have someone listen to our story without judgment.
It’s in these moments of question and possibility that we most need to hear the stories of those who have walked the same path. It’s in these moments we need to feel connected to the wisdom and heart of a story larger than our own individual story.
This is especially true when you’ve invested your life in pursuing and achieving the highest levels of personal and professional success. When others are looking to you for leadership in a 24/7 world, there are few places you can safely let down your guard and ask the questions life throws at you.
I recently spoke to an auditorium filled with successful women. As I looked out into the audience, I was deeply moved. You could feel the chains of success wrapped around their souls. Exhaustion, frustration and overwhelm pinched their faces. There they sat – like good little girls – slowly suffocating in their success. The labels of their lives – business owner, lawyer, executive, community leader, mother, daughter, life partner, sister and friend – hung around their necks like glitzy chains of responsibility, accountability and obligation. I saw hundreds of numb faces filled with the shadows of overwork and haunted by the echoes of forgotten joy. Somewhere along the way to success they had lost the deepest essence of who they were. It was time to help them remember.
It’s in these moments we face our greatest challenge and biggest opportunity. What do we do? Continue down the familiar road of comfortable thinking and proven success or courageously venture down a path towards more personal fulfillment, wisdom and meaning?
Dr. Naomi Remen, author of Kitchen Table Wisdom, turned to the audience and asked, “Are you truly satisfied with your life? Satisfaction – or dissatisfaction – is your decision. What do you choose?”
Dr. Remen’s question landed in my heart with a bittersweet splash. Just the day before, my dear friend, Jacquie Smith, had died without warning at the age of 49.
Jacquie was a vibrant woman known for her quick wit, cackling laughter and a tenacious and generous heart. Her sudden death carved canyons of sorrow deep into the lives of many people. Yet amidst my grief and sense of emptiness, I discovered a smile creeping across my face. I knew Jacquie, the devoted mother and wife, successful business owner and beloved community leader, would answer Dr. Remen’s question with a cocky nod, “I am satisfied.”
There is nothing more powerful than the shock of death to bring the concept of satisfaction – or your lack of it – into razor-sharp focus. If your life ended today, could you say with complete honesty, “I am satisfied”?
There are literally thousands of labels to describe who we are in the constantly changing kaleidoscope we call life. Yet each label only describes the interpretation of a small piece of our story – a thread pulled from the larger tapestry of who we are and who we are choosing to become.
A few years ago I wrote a note to myself. It sits atop my desk and reads “Simply stay in the story.” That’s been good advice. The story has taught me more than any best selling how-to book or ivory tower guru. It’s warmed my heart, opened my eyes and liberated my soul. I’ve come to know the power of fear and the joy of success. I’ve been called a cold, heartless bitch and the heart and soul of a company. I’ve faced my deepest fears and embraced my most cherished dreams.
And through the power of my story, I have learned that leaders have a sacred obligation to look beyond the bottom line to the heart and soul of humanity. I have learned that success is more than credentials. I have learned that each human being possesses a divine wisdom buried deep within his or her soul. I have learned that the human life is a sacred tool to do good works in the world. I have learned that the path to wisdom requires lovingly embracing fear and acting with courageous compassion. I have learned that the brightest light is borne in the deepest darkness. I have learned that you are powerful beyond the boundaries of your imagination.
There is no better way to tell you About Me than by telling you my story. There are more stories but they can wait. What is your story?